Anonymous asked: Sexuality is kind of like ethnicity in that it is defined on and individual basis by the INDIVIDUAL. No one has the right to run around telling people whether they are 'allowed' in the queer community or not. Just want to let you know that you aren't the only person who is going to stick up for the aces.
Send me hideously offensive and triggering messages all you want. That won’t change the facts.
Your ignorance is frightening and I’m sad that you choose to spend your time putting down people who turn to the LBGT* community because they have nowhere else go to.
I talked to the Trevor Project about an hour ago and the volunteer reassured me that I wasn’t wrong for trying to help my asexual friends accept their sexuality. I wasn’t wrong, like you insist I am, for wanting them to feel included in this community of sexual minorities. I’m not wrong, like my family thinks I am, for not experiencing ‘normal’ sexual attraction.
They are a minority, heteroromantic or not, just like people who do experience attraction to members of the same sex are.
Thank you for your time.
palilicium asked: Queer is not a catch-all for sexuality that isn't normal, and furthermore being lgbtp IS NORMAL. Using queer as the opposite of normal only further stigmatizes us. It's a slur used against a specific group, not a term for abnormal. And fyi the definition you quoted was of queer as an adjective, not as a slur/reclaimed slur. Finally, dictionaries are often not the best source to turn to when it comes to terms defined and used primarily by minorities.
also, “prude, tease, frigid” are used as misogynistic insults against women, no matter what our orientation is. if i saw a man trying to “reclaim” them i’d give him some serious side-eye.
BA: Fine. We’re not “queer” — we’re a sexual minority and should be accepted by the LGBT* community. Is that better?
If you want to continue arguing with me on why my friends aren’t part of such an “all inclusive” group aimed at “acceptance,” then go ahead. Your ignorance is painfully eyeopening.
Oh, so if a homoromantic ace man is called frigid by his partner, he shouldn’t be offended, right? Yup yup.
Society still says that being black isn’t normal, and I’ve come to accept that “normal” is bullshit. I have friends who identify as black even though they don’t look it, but I’m not going to tell them that being a quarter black or having pale skin makes them any less of a black person than I am. They might never have to deal with being called the N word like I’m subjected to on a frequent basis, but they should still be accepted by a community of people who all identify as black.
You can’t tell someone that they’re not allowed to identify as queer if they aren’t completely what the societal norm is.
Period.
Anonymous asked: Hey! I noticed you using the acronym "GSM" for gender/sexuality minority, which is awesome! I wanted to point out the one I use, and a variation: OMGS and OGSM for Outside Mainstream Gender/Sexuality and Outside the Gender/Sexuality Mainstream. Same thing, basically, but a bit different. :) Also, I wanted to thank you for your inclusion of the asterisk after LGBT and aces in your blog! Have a nice day and keep it up! :)
BA: I’ll try to start using OGMS because really, that’s what people should be remembering. We’re struggling in a society that tells us that we’re wrong for being who we are.
Fighting about it and tearing others down for things they cannot change is a waste of time.
Thank you!
Picture: Background: 4 piece color split with yellow, red, blue, and green. Foreground: Smiling girl with rainbow gloves makes two peace signs on either side of her face. Top text: “I can’t be homophobic” Bottom text: “I have a tumblr!”
Anonymous asked: I find it really funny how ignorant people are about the ace* community. I have a cousin who i'm very close to that identifies as grey-ace and she's had to put up with slurs her whole life. Since she's not biromantic or homoromantic, I've even heard people say that she doesn't count as queer which bothers me. If someone identifies as queer then they are as much a part of the LGBT* community as I am (I'm a lesbian).
BA: It’s really disappointing how ignorant members of the LGBT* community can be to members within the community.
I have lots of trans* friends who aren’t understood because people don’t take the time to learn about what they’re going through and bisexual friends who feel rejected and ace friends who don’t feel like they actually have a place where they belong.
Coming out as asexual (well, I’m demisexual) has been more terrifying for me than coming out as “liking girls” was, but it’s different for different people. I don’t mind being called a frigid bitch, but a friend who’s slowly coming to terms with who she is feels even more awful than she usually does when she’s called such phrases because she wants to be ‘normal.’ She wants to enjoy kissing and sexual intimacy, but she can’t.
I’m honestly sorry that your cousin has to deal with that. It’s completely unfair. I just wish people would take the time to educate themselves before saying such hurtful things to others.
Anonymous asked: here's a thought, asexual individuals like yourself could call yourself asexual.
BA: Here’s a thought, gay people can just call themselves gay and we can forget this whole concept of community.
Because if we’re going to be seen as ‘freaks of nature’ by other people because of our sexual attraction, we might as well do it alone.
Right? Right?
And thank you (sincerely) to the people in my ask box about acephobic slurs — I stand corrected. However, I have had friends who have been triggered in some manner by being called the words I listed.
Anonymous asked: You can't reclaim slurs that weren't used against you. Queer was never used against people who didn't have same-sex attractions unless it was to imply the person has same sex attraction. An ace person calling themselves queer like a white person calling themselves the N word. Their sexuality is valid, and real, but they sure as hell aren't queer....
BA: …
A definition that Mr. Webster gives for queer is “differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal.”
If we accept that the normal sexuality is being sexually attracted to the opposite gender, anything that does not fit that role is queer. That includes asexuals.
This isn’t about reclaiming a slur. I don’t know if asexuals really will be able to reclaim slurs used against them by members of both the straight community and LGBT* community — prude, tease, frigid. This is about recognizing that they have a sexual orientation that derives from the norm and that they need a group of individuals to accept them for who they are.
So. What do you want ace individuals like me to call ourselves? I mean, should I be thanking my lucky stars right now that I’m romantically interested in all genders because man, otherwise my sexuality would be normal and this ‘accepting community’ wouldn’t be able to love me and comfort me about things that I can’t change?
It’s nothing like a white person calling themselves the N word. Don’t even try to use racial arguments with me unless you know what you’re talking about.
So yes. Not all ace people have to worry about being seen as disgusting for their attraction.. They do have to worry about corrective rape from their partners, have to worry about being constantly mocked for not being able to feel things in the “normal” way, have to worry about being left by someone they’ve fallen for because they don’t want sex.
If you’re fighting for love and acceptance and equality for all, why would you leave out a group of individuals who struggle every day to accept the way they were born?
But thank you for being a great example of the type of person this blog is frustrated by.
Anonymous asked: I really hate the way some LGBT people want to erase asexual people from the discourse all together. You would not believe how much of a freak I felt in high school when I said I wasn't interested in dating, and everyone looked at me like I was an alien and wondered what was WRONG with me. Asexual people cop prejudice because of our orientation too, so it makes me mad when people say that our sexuality doesn't matter because we don't have one, or that ours isn't a 'real' sexual orientation.
BA: Everything surrounding people being angry at the Trevor Project for providing resources for asexual people kind of makes me sick to my stomach.
I went on a blog a few days ago that was basically an individual reblogging ace posts and saying that heteroromantic aces weren’t actually queer — you were only queer if you’d ever been attracted to the same sex.
Not everyone who’s experienced same-sex attraction identifies as queer. Not everyone who’s queer has experience romantic or sexual attraction.
It sucks, anon, and I’m sorry that a place that’s supposed to be accepting has been so non-accepting. It’s not fair that we need to educate people within the community, considering how cruel people outside the community already are sometimes,
